Sunday, June 24, 2018

Move On Up

Hiya everybody!

The time has come. This site has migrated to amandashaped.com. All future content is over there now, and in a prettier package. Thanks for viewing, and I'll see ya there! ⭑

Saturday, May 5, 2018

Pauline!


Lady #2: Pauline Black! I'd really like to kick these out on a sort of spontaneous, weekly-ish basis. But the second in a series always turns out a bit more precious than the first for me. So the Queen of 2 Tone ended up more precise than I'd meant, but hey that's fine!


I've been thinking a ton about racial identity lately. I kind of can't stop now that I've started. All throughout my childhood I took my heritage for a granted a little. I'm pretty sure I pass for white. And the thing about being Asian is that for a looong time, I'd had it ingrained in my brain that Asians don't qualify as people of color. My family didn't push this idea on me; it's just a bigger, societal assumption that happens. So I felt pretty white. And obviously, as a white-passing biracial woman, I'm allowed to move through the world differently than other biracial people who look more strikingly ambiguous or non-white. It also means that, at different points in my life, I've seriously wondered if I'm allowed to stake any claims to my heritage. But now that racial identity has become so topical, I'm analyzing my feelings toward this constantly. And dammit, I am what say I am and my heritage is mine!




Pauline Black is so inspirational to me in so many ways. When I first discovered her as a teen, her tomboy presentation was a clincher. I was also really drawn to Patti Smith during that time, but Pauline's ever so slightly feminine and fuller-bodied tomboyism was much more achievable for me. She dressed like dudes and looked so cool and appealing doing it. There was no sort of irony in it. And there was no real, insecure counterbalancing to it either, like slathering on makeup– or I dunno, wearing a badge that said, "Oh BY THE WAY I'm a woman, okay!?" That is HUGE for a stubbornly contrary teenage girl who's going through a phase of being constantly mistaken for a boy.

But I didn't know then that she was biracial. And my adult self who does know loves her even more. She's intelligent and beautiful and totally singular. Definitely a hero.


"They asked you if you're alright. You say yes."

Saturday, April 14, 2018

Cyndi!


I don’t draw enough women. This has been a thing for me for a long time– basically since I drifted away from my preteen Sailor Moon obsession. I’ve only realized it in recent years, and I try to keep it at the front of my mind every time I start a project. Every so often I give myself a small challenge to address the issue. And they end up being valuable exercises, but they’re almost always pretty low-stakes. They’re sketchbook pieces. So as often as I can, I’m trying to draw more ladies. But beyond just drawing them, I especially want to elevate them past exercises and onto tight, finished works.

The other thing: It’s been several months since I last completed a big, ambitious project. There have been a succession of pet portraits in the meantime. Those have been gratifying and important as well, but I’ve also missed my usual thing. And rather than dive right into another grueling month-long piece, I’m wondering about my ability to execute something really cool and semi-polished in a shorter span of time.

The other other thing: a purely colored pencil drawing, for once!

So I’ve set myself the ongoing task of doing some thoughtful, striking tributes to some of the lovely women who inspire me. Starting with: Cyndi!


When Cyndi Lauper sings she deftly maneuvers between uninhibited belting and gentle sighing. I love her vocal style a lot because it's intense and soulful and totally singular. And of course, she’s also just so appealingly flashy. Cyndi’s visual flair is something I would never attempt for myself, and it teeters on the brink of good taste. But it’s so empowering to see her do it, because her confidence means she nails it.





“Here I am. Just like I said I would be.”

Monday, January 22, 2018

Kill The Car


Ferris Bueller's Day Off is the best of John Hughes's teen films, no contest. And Cameron Frye is one of his most compelling young characters. Alan Ruck plays him flawlessly, and one of my favorite things about Alan Ruck is his lovely, cartoonishly expressive face. Ferris is my top Hughes's joint (and one of my all-times, period) because it strikes such a perfect balance between his tendencies toward the surreal, and his knack for realistically depicting young torment. There's essentially no cheese (cough, cough, BREAKFASTCLUB, cough), the slapstick is nuanced and clever (cough, cough, WEIRDSCIENCE, hack, cough), and it's just perfect. Cameron is a particularly great character because his angst is so relatable. He carries the weight of the world on his shoulders, and it has a very easy time of crushing him. His and my baggage don't come from the exact same place, thankfully (my parents are not destructively cold, repressive, or intimidating). But I definitely feel an affinity for the imperfect, fearful, angry neurotics of the world. And that feeling grows as I get older and more and more existential.


Cameron Frye is definitely on the old tribute wishlist that I've mentioned before. It feels good to be making some decent headway within it, finally. Nothing really compares to the excitement you feel when you're young and you find something new that you love. Lots of grand ideas floated through my head when I was in the throes of my Beatles infatuation, and my Clash worship, and all that. But I didn't know where to start then, and I wasn't sure I could tackle them, so I just wrote them down and carried on. Now I know I can finally do it and it feels awesome (except for the CURSED ACHES AND PAINS, BLEURGH). These bigger tributes are taking me longer than I'd like. Sometimes the ideas seemingly won't come. But as Mr. Strummer says: "Nothing in the world can take the place of persistance. Talent will not. There is nothing more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not. Unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not. The world if full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent." Phew. How can we not love Joe?



Several years ago, it struck me for the first time that it was possible for me to utterly fail. It was a slow dread realization that dragged on throughout the year. It's the absolute worst thing about growing up. I could feel the wheel starting to roll on without me. I felt doomed. And then I stepped back and knew that all that was shit. After all, we're just the Pale Blue Dot. Some obstacles– like making enough money, dammit– feel impenetrable. But if we all die in the end, it's probably worthwhile to try to get over them, right? So I started thinking seriously about how to use that new point of view. In that process, I drew inspiration from things like Cameron's passionate monologue at the film's climax. And I finally understood the movie.

"No, forget it. Forget it. I gotta take a stand. I’m bullshit. I put up with everything. My old man pushes me around, I never say anything! Well he’s not the problem, I’m the problem. I gotta take a stand. I gotta take a stand against him. I am not gonna sit on my ass as the events that affect me unfold to determine the course of MY life; I’m gonna take a stand. I’m gonna defend it. Right or wrong, I’m gonna defend it."




I still spend a lot of time ruminating apprehensively on my future. I still sometimes fear that I am doomed, that there's no more time, etc. But, I do my best to always put my foot down when I close those thoughts. Because ultimately, despite how insistently outside forces might hold me down, I am in charge.